7: Month Six (I'm a schizophrenic spender)

First I should admit that I didn't want to read this book. I read a few of Jen Hatmaker's blog posts and truly enjoyed her writing, particularly the posts about adoption. After reading a few reviews and even hearing her speak about 7, I felt like the book was just chronicling the journey of one more middle class white woman who became aware of the poor through her own adoption journey.

Ahem, I don't know anything about that.

After several friends asked if I had heard of it/read it/owned it I discretely decided to read it. After all, I had shared my "one more middle class white woman" theory with everyone who asked if I read the book. (Insert foot in mouth here.)

Then I came across this great blog and online book club (Hello ladies!) and decided, why not jump right in?

Which brings me to the first thing 7 taught me about my spending personality: I'm a schizophrenic spender.

Case in point, I canceled my text package (which drives my friends CRAZY) because it costs $10 per month but dropped $400 on a fancy double stroller.

The Hatmaker's cut back their spending from 66 places per month to 7, keeping with the numeric theme of the book. Jen clarifies that "The beast we are battling is consumerism, defined as 'the fact or practice of an increasing consumption of goods.'"

I would have said that I've got this consumerism beast tamed... until the list on page 156.

• It's no big deal.
• I can afford this.
• I've worked hard for my money, so I can spend it how I want.
• I want this, back off.
• I deserve this.
• Other people spend way more.*
• I still have money in the bank.
• What's the big deal?
  (* Mine and Jen's excuse of choice.)

Ohh.

As Jen says, "Just because we can have it doesn't mean we should."

I wholeheartedly agree with that.

In theory.

As a schizophrenic spender I will deny, deny, deny myself and then... SPLURGE!

But the Vitamix was $50 off. (True comment made by me to my receipt shocked hubby.)
But the stroller was used.
But all those clothes in my closet are second-hand.

My excuses stopped dead in their tracks at the next sentence, "Just because we can have it doesn't mean we should. I marvel at how out of place simple, humble Jesus would be in today's American churches."

Wow.

Would Jesus feel out of place at my church? I don't think so... We rent our meeting space and it's old and not fancy at all and the bathrooms are smelly. That's good, right Jesus?

But what about my home?
Oh. There.

When he finished that talk, a Pharisee asked him to dinner. He entered his house and sat right down at the table. The Pharisee was shocked and somewhat offended when he saw that Jesus didn't wash up before the meal. But the Master said to him, "I know you Pharisees burnish the surface of your cups and plates so they sparkle in the sun, but I also know your insides are maggoty with greed and secret evil. Stupid Pharisees! Didn't the One who made the outside also make the inside? Turn both your pockets and your hearts inside out and give generously to the poor; then your lives will be clean, not just your dishes and your hands. "I've had it with you! You're hopeless, you Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but manage to find loopholes for getting around basic matters of justice and God's love. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required.  Luke 11:37 - 42 (The Message)

I've hidden under the veil of "frugality", judging others for not being as sacrificial as I am, all the while my insides are maggoty with greed and secret evil.

I canceled my data package.
We sold our second car.
We've never had cable or a land line.
We tithe and maintain careful bookkeeping. 

I've missed the point.

So now what?

Thankfully, Jen gives three easy shifts we can make, starting today:

One, nonconsumption. Going forward, I'm going to stick with the "wait a month" rule Jen outlines from the book Serve God, Save the Planet. "One of three things will happen. One: You will forget. Two: You will no longer need it. Three: You will need it more."

Two, redirect all that money saved. I am easily and joyfully on board with this one. In addition to suffering from schizophrenic spending, I also suffer from it's guilty cousin, buyer's remorse. But you know what? When I buy something that is fair trade or supports an adoption or a family in Kenya or a refugee from Nepal, I never feel guilty. Ever.

Jen takes number two the direction of microlending, which I LOVE and suggests you check out www.kiva.org. And you should.

Three, become wiser consumers. See my interpretation of two above. As Jen says "With watchdog groups like Not For Sale, free2work.org, change.org, and others now that consumers are denouncing human trafficking and slave labor, there is no excuse for ignorantly supporting a corrupt supply chain. The reason a shirt is $4 is because a worker was paid $.10 to make it; insistence on the cheapest prices is at the expense of freedom or living wages for workers."

I think I'm a wise consumer but too often conveniency takes the game and I end up with a $4 shirt because I waited until the last minute or a kid has to pee/is hungry/is tantruming/fill-in-the-blank.There is much room for improvement.


So what about you? How do you fight this consumerism beast? What changes will you be making as a result of Month Six?

(Oh, and Jen, if you happen to read this, please forgive me for being the judgmental, embarrassingly honest person that I am? I really liked your book. Thank you for doing what you do.)

BBOY for LIFE (the movie)

I'm straying from the normal theme around here but only by a hair...

Our friends at Nadus Films are working on a kickstarter campaign for their latest film BBOY for LIFE. Before I get any further, you MUST watch the trailer. The footage is serious eye candy.

Why would I be asking you to support a movie? (Which is what I am doing by the way.)
What could a movie possibly have to do with caring for orphans, or the poor, or the least of these?

Well, if you watched the trailer you should be on to me by now.

Nadus Films makes films that make a difference all over the world. In places few filmmakers dare to go, telling the stories of innocent people with HUGE hearts and connecting them with strategic partners who can lift them out of poverty.

The latest project, BBOY for Life, has the same goal as previous films.

So far in Guatemala, the Nadus crew has provided scholarships for the main characters in the film. Chiz, Gato and Leidi.are going to school because of the work of Nadus. They will be off the streets. They will be improving their futures and the future of their families.

The Poker Crew, with the help of Nadus, are teaching kids in the ghetto to dance while also tutoring them. How cool is that?!

AND, if that isn't enough, Nadus is partnering with Hope Renewed International working in the ghettos, dumps and prisons providing job placement, scholarships and homes for families living in the dump.

SO, I know a lot of us are fund raising to bring kids home from places just a hard as Guatemala. But these kids in Guatemala, they can't get out. They need someone to come in. Nadus Films is doing just that. Won't you please check out their kickstarter page and support them? The campaign ends this Saturday!

Nothin's Gonna Hold Me Down

Who couldn't use a smile to start off this long weekend? 

For your viewing pleasure...

amazing resource!

If you have 20 dollars here is what you should do with it:

Go to Forever-Families.

Click on the "Buy Now" link under the photo of the book pictured above.

Enter coupon code MAY2012 for 15% off the price of the book during the remainder of this month! 

Read said book.

Become a better parent.*

The End.

Seriously, I ordered this book on a Friday, it was delivered on Saturday and by Monday morning I had read it from cover to cover. I could write a review but there's nothing more to say.

Don't wait. Do it. Right. Now.  

*So there will be a LOT of work to do to make this part happen and I am oversimplifying just a little but this is your road map to getting there.

happy (birth)mother's day

WARNING: This post is a ramble. My thoughts are zooming through my head faster than I can compute and I just got puked on. Really.

Birth mothers have been on my mind lately, as well they should. I've long neglected in word and deed this segment of the adoption and orphan population. I have wanted to adopt for as long as I have wanted children, but early on I put little thought into the lives of women who give their children up for adoption.

I remember the first time I discussed this topic with an adoptive mom, a close friend of mine at the time, and she shared with me that her son had been abandoned in Ethiopia. To this day I remember the thoughts and feelings that welt up inside of me. "How could someone abandon their baby?" and "I would never leave my child." Thankfully I did not articulate those thoughts.

What my friend said next changed my heart for the better. 

"How sweet of his mother to leave him next to a fire station where she knew someone would find him."

how. sweet. 

I felt in that moment, and still do today when I think back on my arrogance and pride, like someone kicked me in the gut.

How ignorant I was (and still am) to the struggles these women face. How judgmental of me to presume that they are selfish and "less-than". How very unlike Jesus to withhold compassion from them.

Yesterday I had the privilege of hearing testimony from a birth mom who gave her children up for adoption. She was addicted to crack for over ten years. She had two babies born addicted to crack. CPS met her in the hospital.

By the grace of God she has been sober for almost ten years. Her crack babies are now eleven and twelve and being raised by someone else. She does not have contact with them. She told us that she has "given them over to God" because she cannot be with them.

As a child she was molested by her mothers boyfriend. The boyfriend stayed in her home but she was sent "away". She described the brokenness and confusion she felt as a child that led to her destructive behavior. 

What did she want more than anything else?
To be with her mother.

As I sat there listening to her story, I shed another layer of judgment and pride, but I still have a long way to go.

Today, my prayer is for birth mothers around the world. In Louisville, in the DRC and everywhere in between. I pray that, whether they abandon their children because they are being selfless or selfish, the emptiness in their hearts would be filled by the Prince of Peace. That they would trust their children to Him, the One who created them in the womb, knows them by name, and loves them more than they ever could.

And I pray for those of us who will have birth mothers in our lives. May we never forget the gift they have given us, the difficulties they face and the impact they have on our children. As the birth mom shared with us yesterday:
"All children desire a relationship with their parents. No matter what." 

referral day: take two

It's official - we have accepted a referral for a 2 1/2 year old little boy in the DRC! His is precious and his favorite activity is eating. He will fit right in!

Since he is legally not our kiddo yet we cannot share pictures of him online but trust me, he is precious. And so young! I wasn't expecting a two year old!

So the next question is... How long?

The short answer is 8-10 months. Here's what will happen during that time...

1. The attorney in the Congo will apply for a "judgment suppletive". I don't even know what that is. Three years ago I would have cared. Now I just want them to do it and do it quickly. I don't need to know every detail. Clearly I'm not in control anyway.
2. There is a 30 day wait period after the "judgment suppletive" is applied for. Side note, in Africa 30 days is not always 30 days...
3. A "no appeal" certification is issued. Assuming no one appeals. Since this little guy has already been deemed "abandoned", in theory, no one will. Break. My. Heart.
4. The attorney will apply for a birth certificate.
5. The attorney will apply for a court date where an adoption judgment will be made.
6. After the court date there is another 30 day wait period.
7. The judge will issue a no appeal certificate for the adoption judgment.
8. The attorney will submit all of those forms to an adoption committee for final approval. This is a new step for the DRC so I am told.
9. We will apply for a visa to bring our little guy to the US.
10. We will travel and stay in country 1 - 2 weeks.
11. WE COME HOME!

According to the time frame given by our agency, this will all be finished by early 2013.

I am praying it will be done in 2012.

There are some emotional/selfish reasons for this:
I just want the waiting and wondering to be over.
I don't want our little guy to turn three in an orphanage.
I want to have him home to celebrate the birth of Jesus.
I want Moses to finally meet the brother he has been praying for for as long as he has been able to talk. Literally.

There are some practical/selfish reasons for this as well:
The adoption tax credit.
The adoption tax credit.
The adoption tax credit.
Oh, and our CIS approval expires in February. And that means Wallace home study update #5!!!

Will you join us in praying? Let's storm the gates for this orphan.

Remember what happened when we prayed for our first referral to go home? He did.

God can do it again, maybe my way, maybe not. See what I mean - the waiting and wondering?!?
Oh let it be over in 2012!

positively Jesus

This post about a four year old girl being UNinvited from a birthday party because she is HIV+ was all over the adoption blog world last week.

I'm still processing it for a few reasons:

First, our kindredspiritfriends the Henderson's left on Thursday for Ethiopia. They are traveling to meet their four year old son who is HIV+. We love them and can't wait to meet this little boy. (Even if they are lapping us with adoption #2 while we're slowly making progress on #1:-)

Second, visiting the Kosair ER last Sunday made me sick to my stomach. (If we aren't FB friends the lowdown is this: Meadow fell, she is ok, vaccinate your kids for tetanus.) Do our kids really need slushies and big screen TV's while they wait to see one of the hundreds of thousands of doctors in this country? Is sitting in a room without a television and some sugar for longer than 15 minutes considered torture?

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), there is one doctor to every 417 people in the US.
In Ethiopia there is one doctor to every 35,000 people.

In 2010, there were ZERO documented deaths due to HIV/AIDS in the US. The most recent data states that approximately 67,000 Ethiopians died from HIV/AIDS in 2007.


These statistics are the same or worse in most the rest of Africa.

Our kids are sucking down red #7 and watching Yo Gaba Gaba while over 25,000 children around the world WILL DIE TODAY from hunger and illnesses that are preventable and treatable.

I digress.

Thirdly, Jesus.

I've been thinking about where Jesus would be if He were here now. Would He be with the healthy and the rich and the insured and the spoiled? (Of which I am admittedly a gold star member.) Or would He be with the sick and the poor and the marginalized and the suffering?

Jesus' "lifestyle" was pretty clear. He was homeless. He had no belongings. He hung out with prostitutes and lepers. He was a humble carpenter. He befriended friendless tax collectors.

And he healed.
The sick, the lame, the blind, the paralyzed, the leper, the spiritually dead.
He healed them ALL.

I don't know the family who issued the UNinvitation and I am trying hard not to judge them. I don't even know the family who received the UNinvitation but their message is clear: EDUCATE.

Educate because these children deserve it. Educate because these children need Jesus. Educate because those UNinviting them from birthday parties need Jesus. Educate because we need Jesus just as much as they do.

Share with anyone who will listen, and even those who won't, the facts about HIV/AIDS. Share this video - it's a great place to start.

And share the reason why we should care about these children.

Because Jesus cares about them.

They need Him.

We need Him.

The UNinviters need Him too.

what's goin' on

I can't sleep.

So instead of wasting time on Pinterest I thought I'd answer a question we've been getting a LOT lately: What's going on with the Congo?

Well, right now, a whole. lot. of. nothing.

We lost our referral for G on February 10th; almost three months ago. At the time, we were told the wait for referrals was one - three months.

The one month mark came and went. I was ok with the waiting. Since we got our referral for G after only three days, I felt it was fair to wait the actual estimated amount of time.

We also knew that the international director from our agency would be making a trip late March/early April to meet the attorney in country, establish some communication expectations, visit the orphanages, etc. We were anxiously awaiting the DRC program update scheduled for mid-April.

Turns out the update wasn't much of an update. Something good did come of it - from now on they will not be referring kids until they have an issued abandonment decree. Genius! This will prevent so many families from loosing referrals - the investigation into their orphan status will happen before a family falls in love with their picture.

This new policy, which we are truly happy for, means that the wait time for referrals has been extended to six months. That means we are still three or so months away. This is frustrating. There will not be an African in the Wallace house in 2012.

HOWEVER, the Lord is teaching us to trust in Him in ways I seriously never imagined. Many things about this journey, that up until now made NO sense at all, are slowly coming into focus. I'm hoping that soon I will be able to share some of them here.

I've been learning some wonderful lessons about what family really is, taking care of those He puts in front of us and shaping our childrens souls as we steward them towards Him. Lessons I hope to never forget and to spread far and wide.

Thanks to all of you who have asked, prayed, supported, shared, encouraged and loved us well. God has BIG plans for our little family and I am so humbled and excited to be along for the ride.

Holding on tight,