happy (birth)mother's day

WARNING: This post is a ramble. My thoughts are zooming through my head faster than I can compute and I just got puked on. Really.

Birth mothers have been on my mind lately, as well they should. I've long neglected in word and deed this segment of the adoption and orphan population. I have wanted to adopt for as long as I have wanted children, but early on I put little thought into the lives of women who give their children up for adoption.

I remember the first time I discussed this topic with an adoptive mom, a close friend of mine at the time, and she shared with me that her son had been abandoned in Ethiopia. To this day I remember the thoughts and feelings that welt up inside of me. "How could someone abandon their baby?" and "I would never leave my child." Thankfully I did not articulate those thoughts.

What my friend said next changed my heart for the better. 

"How sweet of his mother to leave him next to a fire station where she knew someone would find him."

how. sweet. 

I felt in that moment, and still do today when I think back on my arrogance and pride, like someone kicked me in the gut.

How ignorant I was (and still am) to the struggles these women face. How judgmental of me to presume that they are selfish and "less-than". How very unlike Jesus to withhold compassion from them.

Yesterday I had the privilege of hearing testimony from a birth mom who gave her children up for adoption. She was addicted to crack for over ten years. She had two babies born addicted to crack. CPS met her in the hospital.

By the grace of God she has been sober for almost ten years. Her crack babies are now eleven and twelve and being raised by someone else. She does not have contact with them. She told us that she has "given them over to God" because she cannot be with them.

As a child she was molested by her mothers boyfriend. The boyfriend stayed in her home but she was sent "away". She described the brokenness and confusion she felt as a child that led to her destructive behavior. 

What did she want more than anything else?
To be with her mother.

As I sat there listening to her story, I shed another layer of judgment and pride, but I still have a long way to go.

Today, my prayer is for birth mothers around the world. In Louisville, in the DRC and everywhere in between. I pray that, whether they abandon their children because they are being selfless or selfish, the emptiness in their hearts would be filled by the Prince of Peace. That they would trust their children to Him, the One who created them in the womb, knows them by name, and loves them more than they ever could.

And I pray for those of us who will have birth mothers in our lives. May we never forget the gift they have given us, the difficulties they face and the impact they have on our children. As the birth mom shared with us yesterday:
"All children desire a relationship with their parents. No matter what."