the moments He shows me it's worth it

This is hard y'all. Trying and straining and reaching for the life Jesus wants us to live. Caring for orphans is messy work. It's exhausting.

I'm thankful for the moments when He shows me it's worth it. The mess. The exhaustion. It's all SO worth it.

I don't post about this often but William and I lead the orphan care ministry at our church. It's a blessing-beyond-words to be a part of a church where "orphan care is not just a program on the side but a part of our church DNA." <----- Our pastor said that. See what I mean? blessing. beyond. words.

Our big event of the year is an orphan care and adoption seminar we host alongside our local partner, the Orphan Care Alliance. It's hard work. I stay up late to get everything done. I sit at my computer and work when my kids are awake and I feel guilty. I drag them to meetings and promise ice cream if they will just be still and quiet for 45 minutes. But it is worth it:

Over 80 people learning about orphan care and adoption last month!

One goal of our ministry is to financially equip families within our church who are stepping out in faith to adopt. Last week I had the absolute privilege of working with Lifesong for Orphans to help one family get a matching grant. I didn't really do anything, other than field a few emails. (during the day while my kids were awake.) I was not expecting this family to be blessed as much as they were. I knew our partners were generous but I put God in a box - in my head I had a "max" of what He would do. He blew me, and my friends the Shores, away with a $7,300 matching grant!

I cried tears of joy and awe all morning. It was such a beautiful thing to see this family who is doing what most people don't understand - adopting a sibling set of three - being blessed by a God who is saying to them through His people "Yes. You are doing my will. And I will bless you for your obedience."

And then there's our sweet M. He is the one who costs me the most sleep. He is the hardest. A couple weeks ago we were visiting friends and he picked up their "thankful basket." My friend explained their family writes down things they are thankful for and puts them in the basket.

She asked if he wanted to draw something he is thankful for and he said yes. When he started drawing a person I got a little nervous. Who was it? Someone from his past? Was it me? I am so unworthy of his gratitude. My inner thoughts went on and on. My friend asked. "Who is that?" His answer? "Jesus. I'm thankful for Jesus."

It is worth it. Sleepless nights. Tantrums. Uncomfortable conversations. ALL. SO. WORTH. IT. for this little boy to be thankful for Jesus. (And spiders:-)

Praying I never forget. Knowing I will. Trusting Him to remind me.