PS (Dear Me Part Two)

(You can read part one of this post here.)

PS pre-four-kids-under-the-age-of-five-self:

A few things I forgot to mention (because little people are like memory leaches)...

Many books and resources about managing a large family will tell you to include the above mentioned leaches in the daily chores and house cleaning as a way of "training" them. That's great. And sometimes it works. It is also completely acceptable to put them in front of the TV and do it yourself because it takes 1/100th the amount of time.

The urine smell that permeates your house even after you have scrubbed the bathroom from top to bottom? It is the shower curtain. Wash that sucker.

Do not make two meals. I repeat, do not make two meals. Once you do it they will never ever forget the time you made them something else because they didn't like the perfectly acceptable meal you first presented them with. Don't do it. They will not starve.

Just smile. When you are out in public and people give you strange looks or you hear "You've got your hands full" for the 50th time that week... Just smile. It's not worth it.

"Mama where am I from?" "You were born in Indiana" "Oh. I was just wondering where I am from. Did you lay me?" - Moses (bio) March 2013

Don't neglect your "first" kids. They may not be tantruming or having night terrors or screaming curse words at you but they are having a hard time too. Figure out a way to get them some one-on-one time AND time out of the house and away from the craziness. One day they will get it but right now it is hard. Don't overlook them.

Someone will say it. Those words you dread hearing. Those words that are most unhelpful and unloving and unsympathetic - "This is what you wanted isn't it?" They will say it at just the wrong time and they will have no idea how hurtful it is. It may come from someone who loves you very much and wants to be helpful and loving and sympathetic. You must forgive them. They don't know and you didn't either.

Your family will never be normal again and that's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. You will find a new normal. You will emerge from survival mode with a new family who is closer and stronger and more like Jesus. Normal families may not understand you or your new way of living. Those normal families have no idea what they are missing.

Oh, and your husband wants you to know that if you practiced half of what you preach your life would be much easier.

Eshet chayil!

Mama of four-kids-under-the-age-of-five,

Dear Me (an open letter to my pre-four-kids-under-the-age-of-five self)

Dear pre-four-kids-under-the-age-of-five-self,

You are about to go from two to four kids overnight. It will be fun and exciting and crazy. It will earn you interesting looks and comments like "did you bring your daycare kids to the zoo?" when you dare go out in public.

Here are some things it would have been handy to know ahead of time: 


First, write down everything they say. Examples to follow.

I know you're one of those crunchy green mamas - Get.Over. It. Buy napkins. The paper kind you don't have to wash. Same things goes for paper plates. And clorox wipes. This too shall pass.

Speaking of clorox wipes, keep them near the toilet. The one that will be used by three preschool boys approximately 536 times per day. Aim much?

Your double BOB is worth it's weight in gold. You'll be pushing four kids weighing a total of about 150 pounds. Someone will have to pry it from your cold dead hands.

Parenting someone else's kids is hard. Really hard. I got nothing to say to make that any easier. Just know it.

March 29, 2012 - T told Moses he didn't like him. Moses responded "Yes you do. I do lots of cool things!"

Run your dishwasher every night. Even when it is not full. I know, it makes your earth mama skin crawl. Just do it. Trust me. Waking up to dirty dishes is not a fun way to start the day.

Hand sanitizer is your friend. Washing and drying eight little hands is more work than it sounds. Buy a bunch and put one in every bag.

Baby wipes? Also your friend. Use them. On their faces and hands and anywhere else you might wipe.

Let some things go. For example, it's great to have a separate basket for each type of toy. But that ain't reality. Making beds? Let it go.

"My feet hurt because I ate yogurt and grapes and that makes my feet hurt." I have no idea what kid said that but I wrote it down, May 5, 2012

Stainless steel water bottles at every meal. Cups have to be washed. Water bottles? Not so much. If they start growing something looking oddly similar to black mold - wash them. I hear that happens.

Melatonin is your friend. Some people will poo-poo it. Those people have kids who sleep.

Pick your battles. Shirt on backwards? Who cares.

"When the sun come ups can we go to Halloween?" T, May 14, 2012

Take notes. Even if all you do is send yourself a coded email before collapsing into bed. When you can look back and see that bedtime use to take three and a half hours and now only takes one, you'll be glad you did.

Go to bed. Pinterest and Facebook may feel good now but you will regret it in the morning.

Get up before the little people do. Wake up for them not to them. This is easier said than done. Try to do it and give yourself grace when it doesn't happen.

Amazon Prime is your friend. Running out for a quick trip to Target ain't what it use to be. It now involves wondering if someone is going to call the police on the crazy lady, ahem you, "holding" the kicking screaming kid in the bathroom.

Have fun. Dance parties. Cupcakes for breakfast. Tents in the living room. Fun. Is. Good.

Keep the kids out of the bedroom. No kid toys, no kid clothes, no kid paraphernalia in the bedroom. Adult bedrooms are for one thing. Making kids.

Accept help. Yes you want meals brought over. Yes you need someone to pick something up while they are out. Yes you need those hand-me-down clothes. If no one offers, ask. Some folks just don't know how hard it is.

"Moses your feet are hairy. Like Esau's. And Mr. Williams." T, summer 2012

Don't be a slave to appointments. The therapists, doctors, social workers and judges (ok, maybe not the judges) are not in control of your life. Schedule the appointment when it makes the most sense for your crew, not when they have an opening.

Never ever ever forgo date night. There will be weeks when you live for it and it will be the only day of the week you shower and speak to an adult. The kid may cry while you are gone but you come back a much happier version of the burned out mama you were when you left. It's worth it.

Simplify the stuff. Kids from hard places are easily overstimulated. Cut the toys in half. Get rid of anything broken, missing pieces or with dead batteries.

Most everything you read in the books and learned in the classes is true. It will happen in your living room. Don't be so surprised. Take a deep breath, pray and do what you know to do. Then get yo'self a therapist girl. For you.

Find someone who gets it. You will need someone to laugh and cry with.Someone to drop meals on your porch and bring you kombucha. Someone to pray for your kids and help you google all the crazy things they do.

Last, love those kids with everything you've got. Life is short, these little years are much shorter. You are not promised tomorrow, focus on today.

Mama-of-four-kids-under-the-age-of-five,

linking up today with Lauren Casper at Traded Dreams