talking to former orphans about orphans

We have tried to raise kids who love orphans.

Actually, first, we have tried to raise kids who love Jesus and out of the overflow of their love for Jesus, we pray and have hope they love those He loves. We are still figuring all of this out.

How much we are still figuring it out becomes even more apparent when you have two former orphans living in your house. The words you use are now descriptive of your own family and aren't thrown around with the same amount of ease.

Since we have been in the process of adopting from the beginning of time, or at least the beginning of when Moses was able to talk, our kids are not strangers to the fact that some kids "don't have mommies and papa's." That is the way we have always described orphans to our kids. The orphans we sponsor, the orphans in our partner orphanage, the orphans we have tried to adopt: they "don't have mommies and papa's."

Recently I came face-to-face with how lacking our definition is. I overheard T and Moses talking in their room about "daddy". This caught my ear because we refer to William as "Papa" so I knew they were talking about T's father.

I was still trying to make out exactly what they were discussing when T came running into the room and announced "Miss Lindsy, I don't have a daddy." as if he was telling me he didn't have any clean underwear.

It was in that moment I realized our definition was empty and thoughtless. 

I can't share the details of T's birth parents, mostly because they are not mine to share, but what we were all taught in 5th grade sex-ed is: he does have a daddy. Somewhere, some man is his daddy.

I don't know him, his name or anything about him.

What I do know is something went tragically wrong in his life for him to walk away from this sweet boy. Painfully wrong. Sinfully wrong. Broken. Wrong.

Oh how I fumbled through my response to T that evening. As I tripped over my own words explaining to a four year old the way babies are made without really telling him how babies are made I was kicking myself - Why didn't I have a script for this?! Why didn't I have the forethought to expect this question and prepare for it?!

Thankfully, God is gracious and has allowed us to do a few things well in our parenting. As I was explaining a man and a woman made him, T interrupted me and said "But I thought God made me?"

Ah! Yes! God made you!

I fumbled again but it didn't matter, he was off and playing.

God used T to teach me two things that day:

One, orphans do have mommies and papa's. The tragedy of this broken world has disrupted God's design and they are not cared for by the two people who came together to make them, but they exist. Even if they have passed, even if they made horrendously selfish decisions, even if they are unknown; they deserve to be acknowledged and honored for the life they gave that child. 

I have to be honest, when we started our adoption journey four years ago, I wasn't thinking about those two people. Subconsciously, I think part of the appeal of international adoption was I would not have to think about those people. Or so I thought.

When I think of how unprepared I was four years ago, I'm thankful this journey has taken so long. I'm thankful for people like Carissa Woodwyk and Amy Monroe for sharing their stories so I can lead our kids as they explore their own stories. Because their stories include those two people.

The second thing God taught me through T that day is this: God made him. And them. And us. 

I knew this obviously, but it took a four year old to remind me. My job as his surrogate mother, and as the mother to all of our kids, is to remind them of this. Constantly.

I can't pretend to know the pain our kids from hard places feel and will continue to feel all of their lives. But I can point all of our kids to the One who heals. The One who made them and loves them. He is with them. Constantly.

Lemon:Aid - kids helping kids

Blood:Water Mission is a grassroots organization that empowers communities 

to work together against the HIV/AIDS and water crises in Africa. 

Their core purpose is to to build community through creative social action. 

One of the ways they accomplish this is through their Lemon:Aid stands. Talk about creative social action! Check out the one minute video to learn more about this campaign.

What an amazing way for kids to help kids huh?! 

My nine year old friend Maggie has been participating in the Lemon:Aid campaign this summer 

and she was kind enough to answer a few questions for me.

 

How did you learn about Blood:Water Mission?

I heard about Blood:Water Mission on the Christian radio station we listen to.

What inspired you to get involved?

I always love to have lemonade stands during the summer 

so this was a good way to do what I like while helping others.

What will the money you are raising be used for?

The money I have raised ($250 so far) will be used to dig wells in 7 different African countries.  People there don't have good clean drinking water and get very sick and sometimes die. 

We want to help them get clean water and live.

Why is it important for people in the US to be involved in caring for people in other parts of the world?

One lady asked me why I wasn't raising money for clean water in America 

and I thought that was a silly question. 

We have all the clean water we want, but many Africans don't. 

My mom says we who are blessed should want to help those who aren't. 

I have pictures of some of the kids in villages who have new wells 

because of Blood:Water Mission. 

They look so happy.

Have you been able to share with patrons of your lemon:aid stand?

We tell every person who stops why we were giving away lemonade and most of them want to help. Everyone gave a donation! 

I also made a poster that explains the mission. That was fun!

What has been your favorite part about this project?

My favorite parts of this project were working with my Dad to build the stand 

and counting the money when the day was done. 

I was very surprised to see how much money we had raised! 

I want to have one more stand and am excited to put the money in an envelope 

and send it to Blood:Water Mission.

Maggie and I at one of her Lemon:Aid stands. Notice the matching haircuts:-)

Moses Storying

So, while this is amazingly cute, (and I must confess that we did not teach Moses this story - he learned it in his class at church) the best part is that it's super useful. As I learned from Lisa K., teaching kids to be comfortable with public speaking is a blessing to the Kingdom. And, teaching them to story from the bible is even better because they can share the gospel! At three years old!

Moses has retold this story at least a couple dozen times since the recording and when he tells it we talk about how one day, he will get to tell this story to his friends in Africa. He can't wait.

I promise that he is not a child prodigy or any kind of genius - he's just a regular three year old who, in less than an hour and a half, learned this story. If he can do it - your three (or two, or five) year old can too! Just give it a try!

Rebuked By A Teenager

This is from the newsletter of Lisa Kjeldgaard. I shared her amazing ideas for raising kiddos with a heart for orphans a while back and this story, from her 14 year old daughter Kate, is the fruit of Lisa's hard work.

Be prepared to get rebuked by a teenager.

(And then pray that your kids would have this girls heart. At least that's what I'll be doing)

"I look around. I catch myself complaining, again. Whining because a brother used MY bathroom. Upset that I have to get out of my bed to go to work at 9 a.m. when I'd rather sleep. Bummed I didn't make it to the movies last night with my friends because I can't drive. This is normal American life: Be upset about what you don't have, and forget about what you do.

We don't seem to care about what we have. All we seem to care about is what we don't have.

But. We. Are. So. Blessed.

Running water? Blessed. House? Blessed. A job? Blessed. Three meals a day? Blessed. We seem to notice our idiotic mundane problems but forget the little boy half way across the world on the streets: abused, addicted, starving, and homeless. Let's face it—our "problems" are wimpy.

God put you where you are for a reason, and he put that little boy on the streets of Kenya for a reason too. You could be that homeless Kenyan boy, but you're not. You're a rich middle-class American with EVERYTHING you could ever need.

EVERYTHING.

God wants you and me to do something with it.

Here's what this 14-year-old learned in Kenya:

"Life isn't about what you don't have, life's about what you do have, and what you can give."

If those Agape Kenyan boys pretended to be us whiners and just focused on what they didn't have: how they don't have toilets, don't have soda and might not see their parents ever again, they would never get anywhere. Yet, they don't.

They wake up and say: "I'm off the streets and know I'll eat, I'll live."

We deserve a slap in the face from those boys, because they, they know what they have. And they're doing everything they can to change the world with it. More than anything, I want to go back to Kenya to learn from those boys. Don't worry, I'll be back to tell you about it. ~Kate

Make A Difference

There are about a million things running through my head that I want you to know. I have been praying all day that I would chose the "right" topic to share tonight... Then I opened my email and saw these precious faces:

 I'm not able to copy and paste their story but you can read it here. (scroll about half way down and look for the same picture)

Please read their story and donate toward this little girls medical care. Know that every dollar you give will go to her and give sacrificially.

Share her story. Share it with your family. Share it with your friends. Share it with your kids.

Maybe they have a birthday coming up and instead of requesting gifts they can request donations for her surgery? Maybe they can mow a neighbors lawn for some extra cash? Maybe you can sell something on ebay? Maybe you have $4,000 laying around somewhere collecting dust? (hey, it's possible)

We all have more than she does. And we can all stand to loose some of it for her.

Raising Children with a Heart for Orphans

I'm super excited about tonight's post! (but my computer is being super slow and funky so there are some weird font issues and not everything is linked. Oh well.) I'll be sharing with you some amazing ideas I gleaned from a session at the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit in April.

The entire conference was amazing, and helped me launch the new focus of our blog, in addition to our family mission. By far, my favorite sessions were about being a mama and advocating for orphans at the same time. For some reason I couldn't figure out the two being one on my own...

BUT, thankfully I got to hear Lisa Kjeldgaard speak on the topic of Raising Children with a Heart for Orphans. And I was inspired. 

Lisa's story is one that I think a lot of us mama's can relate to. Since the age of 16, she wanted to be a missionary in Africa. She also assumed that one day she would adopt babes from Africa. She got sidetracked from her dreams after college (ahem, husband) and now has Eight. Very. White. Kiddos. (ok - so maybe we can't all relate to that 8 kids part!)

Her husband tells the story on their blog: "In 2007 we decided that our comfy life in suburbia needed re-prioritizing.  Lisa and I purposed to find a way to take our children overseas and until we found that way, we would work to help children and more specifically orphans and the impoverished, while we stayed in little old Oakdale waiting for our turn."

And man have they worked. Eric again:

"God blessed us with a family verse, James 1:27, “Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.”   From this verse we created the first Riverbend Ranch Charity Carnival and with the help of our family and friends raised over $8,000 for Acres of Hope, an orphanage based in Liberia.  Since 2007 we have raised over $65,000 that has been given to worthy ministries serving orphans and widows."

Wow.

It gets better. In December they will be leaving for Kenya. With their kids. All eight of them. For 11 months.

Now I know that some of you out there just breathed a sigh of relief. It can be done! With kids! I can be a missionary and a mama at the same time! I don't have to wait 25 years! It nearly makes me cry. (Thanks Lisa for setting this example for all of us who have felt as though we have gotten a little sidetracked.)

So that part of Lisa's story is awesome and inspiring but, let's face it, most of us will not become missionaries. What really challenged me from Lisa's session is that she is raising her children to have a heart for orphans. And the ripple effect of that is so huge.

Below are my notes from Lisa's sessions. I know this is a long post but I promise you will be blessed by what she has to say.  Please also follow Lisa's blog as they prepare for their move to Kenya at http://ten2kenya.wordpress.com/

Deut. 6:7 – “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

                It is our responsibility to pass God’s heart onto our children. We have to be intentional.            

We pass our vision onto our children in two ways:

1.       Vision casting

2.       Practical training

VISION CASTING

                Begin with scripture – there are 5 things God’s word tells us about caring for the poor.  Even young children can count to five on their fingers and memorize these 5 things!

(Lisa makes the point that anywhere in scripture God talks about the poor, the orphans are included in that general description)

1.       God is concerned. (Psalm 140:12)

2.       God identifies Himself with the poor (Proverbs 14:31)

3.       God commands us to act. (Isaiah 1:17)

4.       Go blesses those who serve. (Proverbs 19:17)

5.       God punishes those who ignore orphans. (Jeremiah 5:28)

Ways to cast vision:

                Reading aloud – Lisa does circle time every day with ALL of her kids. It's her time to share with them. Examples of books/publishers listed below
                Speakers/conferences – well behaved children would be welcome at many
                Blogs – follow blogs with your children that show waiting children, children in orphanages, etc.
                Hospitality – have missionaries to your home and ask them to share with your family their stories
                Live a life of prayer:
                                card box with pics of missionaries, waiting children photos, family, friends
                                Binder with pics of missionaries, waiting children photos, family, friends
                                Maps – world map on wall with pins where missionaries we know are serving or where our sponsored kids are living
                                Clocks – set to times where missionaries or sponsored kids are living

                Live a service oriented life – make meals for others, bags for the homeless to keep in car, foster children, sponsor a child, volunteer in a soup kitchen, etc.

What you spend your time doing will characterize your family – your children will pick up on this.

PRACTICAL TRAINING   

1.       Public speaking – teach your children to become comfortable with public speaking so that they can be a voice for those who are not heard – memorize scripture, have them stand up in  front of the family and ask them questions, let them interview each other, etc.

2.      

3.       Ministry Experience – There are places you can serve with kids – you just have to look hard enough. Food banks, pregnancy centers, compassion international, family mission trips (more info below), etc.

RESOURCES:

Read Alouds: YWAM publishing, Winter’s Promise – Children Around the World book list – www.winterpromise.com

Encouragement: www.onemillionarrows.com

Family Mission Trips: www.agapechildren.org

Lisa’s Family: www.ten2kenya.com, www.carnivalforcharity.com

Sponsorships 101

Perhaps the easiest and quickest way to make a difference in the life of an orphan is to sponsor one. Sponsorships provide life-saving financial support to children and families in need. It works like this: You are matched with a child and given a picture and a brief bit of info on them. Here's what we received on our guy:

You make a monthly contribution towards the care of that child. Most sponsorships range from $30 - $45 per month. The sponsorship funds cover basic needs - food, clothing, shelter, schooling, etc. Without sponsorships, most organizations would not be able to care for the number of children that they do. A couple of our favorite orgs that offer sponsorships are Harvester's Reaching the Nations (HRTN) and Compassion International.

HRTN has two orphanages in the Republic of South Sudan (shout out to the world's newest nation!!). One in Yei and the other in Terekeka. They have over 180 children in their care and few of them are fully sponsored. Check them out here!

Compassion has children in need of sponsorships all over the world. They have a really cool search feature on their website. You can search for kids by country, gender, birth date and more. I know many families who sponsor kids that are the same gender and age as their own kids. This is a really great way to teach your kids about orphan care!

Moses "sponsors" a 6 year old boy named Kenyi. We pray for Kenyi, write letters and color pictures for him. We talk about his life. Moses knows that Kenyi doesn't have a mommy or a papa and that we help take care of him. He knows that Kenyi doesn't have lots of toys. (Since this has been explained Moses has also been praying for his toys at night. I think he might be a little nervous.) I don't want our family to appear holier than thou so I must admit that we have also pulled the "What do you think Kenyi is eating for dinner?" card when Moses has balked at his dinner plate. Just keepin' it real with you folks.

I really want to challenge you; if you are not sponsoring a child to pray about what is standing in your way. You really don't need to pray about whether or not you should be caring for orphans. Gods word is clear on that one. You should. (and maybe you are in some other way)

What are you clinging to that He is calling you to give up for the one of the "least of these"?

A couple latte's each week?

Your data package?

Another pair of shoes?

Pray for God to reveal what is standing in your way and to help you respond in faithful obedience. You will be blessed beyond belief. And so will an orphan.