I'm not sure how to start this post. It's one of those posts that as "prospective adoptive parents", you never want to write. (I hate that term, by the way - are you any less "real" parents than a pregnant couple? You wouldn't refer to a pregnant women as a "prospective mom" would you?)
Yesterday, Ethiopia denied our case.
We cannot appeal.
Our son is not in Ethiopia.
As I write those words tears swell up in my eyes. How could we have been so sure and been so wrong? I do not know. Sometimes when I ponder that question I become frightened by it.
I do know that one day it will all make sense, that God is faithful and that we are being obedient to His calling on our lives. But oh how frightening that can be some days. Trusting in faith can feel both scary and secure.
I'm thankful that William has been a rock during this difficult day and a half. When I called him to tell him the news, I explained that our agency suggested we consider the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) program. Without hesitation he said "Call the Congo Lady." (there is a program director for each country, so the Congo program director is, in our house, "the Congo Lady") His conviction over our direction is so strong that the 2 1/2 year $10,000 detour through Ethiopia didn't phase him a bit. I however, wondered around the house aimlessly in my pajamas all afternoon.
My mind has raced with thoughts. I've emailed practically everyone I know in the adoption world to get their advice and feedback. I've googled. I've called. I've questioned. I've prayed, but not nearly enough.
I've thought about the fact that cancer exists because we live in a sinful fallen world. And orphans exist because we live in a sinful fallen world. And these two symptoms of sin are colliding in our world in such a perplexing way.
My heart breaks for the children in Ethiopia, who will wait on the streets or in orphanages for longer - possibly forever - because cancer survivors or parents with heart conditions or a history of depression or kidney problems, are deemed unfit to parent them.
It makes me angry.
And then I remember that nothing comes into my life that has not passed through the hands of my Father in heaven. And that He loves the children in Ethiopia far more than I ever could. And it drives me to my knees.
So, as William advised, I called the Congo Lady. She gave me the basic lowdown on the DRC program. In some ways, it sounds very similar to the way the Ethiopia program did 4 years ago when we picked it. They have fairly reasonable restrictions and none of them have to do with being a cancer survivor. Last night I stayed up way to late reading about the DRC, agencies that have programs in that country, reading blogs of people who have/are adopting from there... Today I called the Congo lady back and drilled her pretty good. Since I've been in this international adoption world for a while now and my emotions are a little, shall we say, raw right now, I asked her the hard questions and then I questioned her answers. She passed the drilling.
I still can't believe that after this long I am researching agencies and countries. But. Here. We. Are.
At this point, we are 90% sure that we will transfer to the DRC program. Once we decide, I will do a post on the program and the differences between it and Ethiopia. There are many.
One of my hesitations, is that I feel a little guilty about switching countries so quickly. And that before yesterday I knew practically NOTHING about the DRC. I knew nothing about the country, the kids, where they come from and why, what they have experienced, their culture, their language and religion - I didn't even know the capital. Sure I can learn, but I feel almost like we are using them, and their poverty and third world situation, to get a kid. And while we love our son already, wherever he is, I feel guilty about moving on so quickly. About not spending more time grieving over the loss of Ethiopia in our lives.
I've even wondered, and a few people have likened our experience to having a miscarriage, did we have a son in Ethiopia 3 years ago or 2 years ago or 1 year ago? Did we? I'm not sure that's a healthy path for my mind to take and I don't want to make light of what experiencing a miscarriage must feel like. But I feel a loss and feel the need to grieve it. Whether there was ever a living breathing Ethiopian boy meant for us I will never know.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Safe Families
I've been wanting to do this post for a while now. I learned about this wonderful program - "Safe Families" - from the Louisville based Orphan Care Alliance. Since you can visit the Safe Families website and get all the info you want, it seems futile to write an entire post about it... Although I could because it is THAT amazing.
A couple things about Safe Families that I really want to point out is that it is voluntary and supplemental to the care the parents are providing. It is not mandated by the state - the parents choose to seek a Safe Family for their kids before their situation (addiction, jail time, homelessness, job loss, etc.) escalates to the point that child protective services becomes involved. It keeps kids out of an already overtaxed and underfunded foster care system, provides them with a safe Christian home and allows their parents to take care of some adult business.
Below is an overivew of the program (and some interesting tidbits I pulled from their website and a video for you visual types). Don't take it from me, check it out! It really is amazing and there is a Louisville chapter in the works as we speak! So pumped about that!
When crisis strikes, many of us rely on relatives and our church family for support. But for some parents, there isn't a safety net. Often problems such as drug addiction, domestic abuse, incarceration, or illness can be debilitating, making it impossible for parents to care for their children. With the changing economy many more families are experiencing financial crisis, unemployment, and homelessness. During such crisis, children are especially at-risk for neglect or abuse as their parents struggle to cope with crushing circumstances and emotions.
Currently, 85% of all families in the project come back together, often in the most stable environment they’ve ever known.
The average length of stay is about six weeks, but placements usually last from two days to a year.
While the Safe Family for Children Project can provide placements for newborns through adolescents (0-18), there will be a concentration on the younger and most vulnerable children (ages 0-6).
For those opening their home to a child the process would include an application, a home visit, ongoing training, and a background check and fingerprinting. In total, you can expect the process to take about 2 months before you would be contacted and a child could be placed in your care.
You can "Like" their facebook page to see some of the amazing things God is doing through this organization.
Did I mention that it is uh-may-zing?!
A couple things about Safe Families that I really want to point out is that it is voluntary and supplemental to the care the parents are providing. It is not mandated by the state - the parents choose to seek a Safe Family for their kids before their situation (addiction, jail time, homelessness, job loss, etc.) escalates to the point that child protective services becomes involved. It keeps kids out of an already overtaxed and underfunded foster care system, provides them with a safe Christian home and allows their parents to take care of some adult business.
Below is an overivew of the program (and some interesting tidbits I pulled from their website and a video for you visual types). Don't take it from me, check it out! It really is amazing and there is a Louisville chapter in the works as we speak! So pumped about that!
When crisis strikes, many of us rely on relatives and our church family for support. But for some parents, there isn't a safety net. Often problems such as drug addiction, domestic abuse, incarceration, or illness can be debilitating, making it impossible for parents to care for their children. With the changing economy many more families are experiencing financial crisis, unemployment, and homelessness. During such crisis, children are especially at-risk for neglect or abuse as their parents struggle to cope with crushing circumstances and emotions.
Currently, 85% of all families in the project come back together, often in the most stable environment they’ve ever known.
The average length of stay is about six weeks, but placements usually last from two days to a year.
While the Safe Family for Children Project can provide placements for newborns through adolescents (0-18), there will be a concentration on the younger and most vulnerable children (ages 0-6).
For those opening their home to a child the process would include an application, a home visit, ongoing training, and a background check and fingerprinting. In total, you can expect the process to take about 2 months before you would be contacted and a child could be placed in your care.
You can "Like" their facebook page to see some of the amazing things God is doing through this organization.
Did I mention that it is uh-may-zing?!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Moses Storying
So, while this is amazingly cute, (and I must confess that we did not teach Moses this story - he learned it in his class at church) the best part is that it's super useful. As I learned from Lisa K., teaching kids to be comfortable with public speaking is a blessing to the Kingdom. And, teaching them to story from the bible is even better because they can share the gospel! At three years old!
Moses has retold this story at least a couple dozen times since the recording and when he tells it we talk about how one day, he will get to tell this story to his friends in Africa. He can't wait.
I promise that he is not a child prodigy or any kind of genius - he's just a regular three year old who, in less than an hour and a half, learned this story. If he can do it - your three (or two, or five) year old can too! Just give it a try!
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Lifesong for Orphans
Nine out of ten of the people I talk to about adoption, people who already feel like it "might" be in their future, tell me that money is a HUGE factor and mainly, a huge deterrent. I've heard dozens of people make comments like "If we could afford it..." or "If it wasn't so expensive..."
I'm thankful that God has given us an adoption testimony that is all about His provision and not at all about our wealth or abilities.
We were broke when we started this journey. Really. Broke. We had to save up the $250 to mail in the agency application, we had no savings account and close to $20,000 in (bad) debt. But God (I LOVE saying that), but God provided over $10,000 prior to William's diagnoses and our break from the process. We received a couple small gifts (less than $1,000 each) and had a puny little yard sale where we barely made $300. The rest came from God. Really. I can't tell you where it came from.
We believed from the beginning that he would provide for us. And he has. He will equip those He calls. If you feel called to adopt please, I am begging you, do not let your lack of faith in His provision stand in the way. That's what it is isn't it? You don't believe that he will provide. But look at your life! He has provided abundantly more than you need! If this is you, if you have felt His voice calling you and opening your heart to adoption, please stop and pray that you would have the faith to step out in obedience to that calling.
There are lots of ways to fund adoption - you can see some of my resources here. One organization that we love is Lifesong for Orphans. Their mission is to "bring joy and purpose to orphans by mobilizing the church, His body, where each member can provide a unique and special service: some to adopt, some to care, some to give."
They do this tangibly by providing matching adoption grants and interest free loans but my favorite Lifesong program is Both Hands. Essentially, a Both Hands project is like a 5k or golf scramble where you get a lot of people to participate and raise funds on their own. The difference is that, instead of doing something like running or playing golf, you and your friends provide home improvement to a widow - living out James 1:27 with "both hands".
I think my favorite part about the Both Hands projects is that instead of raising money from their friends and family to run a few miles, your family and friends who are participating are sharing the theology of adoption, your adoption story and their commitment to being a part of your story, inviting their circle to be a part of your story as well. (This is done through letter writing) So, the message of eternal adoption and the connection to earthly adoption is multiplied. Love it.
Not only that but, on average, Both Hands projects raise over $10,000. He will provide.
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? - Matthew 6:26 (NIV)
I'm thankful that God has given us an adoption testimony that is all about His provision and not at all about our wealth or abilities.
We were broke when we started this journey. Really. Broke. We had to save up the $250 to mail in the agency application, we had no savings account and close to $20,000 in (bad) debt. But God (I LOVE saying that), but God provided over $10,000 prior to William's diagnoses and our break from the process. We received a couple small gifts (less than $1,000 each) and had a puny little yard sale where we barely made $300. The rest came from God. Really. I can't tell you where it came from.
We believed from the beginning that he would provide for us. And he has. He will equip those He calls. If you feel called to adopt please, I am begging you, do not let your lack of faith in His provision stand in the way. That's what it is isn't it? You don't believe that he will provide. But look at your life! He has provided abundantly more than you need! If this is you, if you have felt His voice calling you and opening your heart to adoption, please stop and pray that you would have the faith to step out in obedience to that calling.
There are lots of ways to fund adoption - you can see some of my resources here. One organization that we love is Lifesong for Orphans. Their mission is to "bring joy and purpose to orphans by mobilizing the church, His body, where each member can provide a unique and special service: some to adopt, some to care, some to give."
They do this tangibly by providing matching adoption grants and interest free loans but my favorite Lifesong program is Both Hands. Essentially, a Both Hands project is like a 5k or golf scramble where you get a lot of people to participate and raise funds on their own. The difference is that, instead of doing something like running or playing golf, you and your friends provide home improvement to a widow - living out James 1:27 with "both hands".
I think my favorite part about the Both Hands projects is that instead of raising money from their friends and family to run a few miles, your family and friends who are participating are sharing the theology of adoption, your adoption story and their commitment to being a part of your story, inviting their circle to be a part of your story as well. (This is done through letter writing) So, the message of eternal adoption and the connection to earthly adoption is multiplied. Love it.
Not only that but, on average, Both Hands projects raise over $10,000. He will provide.
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? - Matthew 6:26 (NIV)
Saturday, October 1, 2011
September Martini
The fact that I am posting the September Martini a day late (Gasp!) should tell you something - it's been freaking busy around here people. The fundraising is in Full. Swing. Here's what we did this month:
On our way to the park with some friends. You should see the looks I get when pushing these four!
My awesome friend Rebekah and I spent a whole morning making these super cute wreaths. They are made from burlap coffee bags.
We added some rolled paper beads to give them an Africa flare. They're for sale of course and will be in the Sunergos Coffee shops here in town soon!
Our booth at the Affordable Art Show! Thanks again to everyone who came out and supported us!
Storytime at the library.
Our Beautiful Oops.
One day this month our homeschool story/lesson was about a donut making factory. So we just had to go to Nord's for donuts to read the story. It was mandatory.
Meadow enjoying the perks.
Our t-shirts came in and our sweet friend Tammy took some pics for us!
I totally became that mom that dresses her family in the same outfit...
and bribes the kids with ice cream. It only kinda worked.
And...
all...
the...
jewelry.
We are swimming in it. I had the first jewelry party last night and it was a success - financially as well as meeting some sweet ladies, sharing our adoption journey and hopefully spreading the message of James 1:27.
If you'd like to host a jewelry party, help me start an online store or etsy shop, make earrings from some of the beads, know shops where we can sell jewelry locally or buy some jewelry, you know where to find me!
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