Click on the "Buy Now" link under the photo of the book pictured above.
Enter coupon code MAY2012 for 15% off the price of the book during the remainder of this month!
Read said book.
Become a better parent.*
The End.
Seriously, I ordered this book on a Friday, it was delivered on Saturday and by Monday morning I had read it from cover to cover. I could write a review but there's nothing more to say.
WARNING: This post is a ramble. My thoughts are zooming through my head faster than I can compute and I just got puked on. Really.
Birth mothers have been on my mind lately, as well they should. I've long neglected in word and deed this segment of the adoption and orphan population. I have wanted to adopt for as long as I have wanted children, but early on I put little thought into the lives of women who give their children up for adoption.
I remember the first time I discussed this topic with an adoptive mom, a close friend of mine at the time, and she shared with me that her son had been abandoned in Ethiopia. To this day I remember the thoughts and feelings that welt up inside of me. "How could someone abandon their baby?" and "I would never leave my child." Thankfully I did not articulate those thoughts.
What my friend said next changed my heart for the better.
"How sweet of his mother to leave him next to a fire station where she knew someone would find him."
how. sweet.
I felt in that moment, and still do today when I think back on my arrogance and pride, like someone kicked me in the gut.
How ignorant I was (and still am) to the struggles these women face. How judgmental of me to presume that they are selfish and "less-than". How very unlike Jesus to withhold compassion from them.
Yesterday I had the privilege of hearing testimony from a birth mom who gave her children up for adoption. She was addicted to crack for over ten years. She had two babies born addicted to crack. CPS met her in the hospital.
By the grace of God she has been sober for almost ten years. Her crack babies are now eleven and twelve and being raised by someone else. She does not have contact with them. She told us that she has "given them over to God" because she cannot be with them.
As a child she was molested by her mothers boyfriend. The boyfriend stayed in her home but she was sent "away". She described the brokenness and confusion she felt as a child that led to her destructive behavior.
What did she want more than anything else?
To be with her mother.
As I sat there listening to her story, I shed another layer of judgment and pride, but I still have a long way to go.
Today, my prayer is for birth mothers around the world. In
Louisville, in the DRC and everywhere in between. I pray that, whether they abandon their children because they are being selfless or selfish, the emptiness in their hearts would be filled by the Prince of Peace. That they would trust their children to Him, the One who created them in the womb, knows them by name, and loves them more than they ever could.
And I pray for those of us who will have birth mothers in our lives. May we never forget the gift they have given us, the difficulties they face and the impact they have on our children. As the birth mom shared with us yesterday:
"All children desire a relationship with their parents. No matter what."
It's official - we have accepted a referral for a 2 1/2 year old little boy in the DRC! His is precious and his favorite activity is eating. He will fit right in!
Since he is legally not our kiddo yet we cannot share pictures of him online but trust me, he is precious. And so young! I wasn't expecting a two year old!
So the next question is... How long?
The short answer is 8-10 months. Here's what will happen during that time...
The attorney in the Congo will apply for a "judgment suppletive". I don't even know what that is. Three years ago I would have cared. Now I just want them to do it and do it quickly. I don't need to know every detail. Clearly I'm not in control anyway.
There is a 30 day wait period after the "judgment suppletive" is applied for. Side note, in Africa 30 days is not always 30 days...
A "no appeal" certification is issued. Assuming no one appeals. Since this little guy has already been deemed "abandoned", in theory, no one will. Break. My. Heart.
The attorney will apply for a birth certificate.
The attorney will apply for a court date where an adoption judgment will be made.
After the court date there is another 30 day wait period.
The judge will issue a no appeal certificate for the adoption judgment.
The attorney will submit all of those forms to an adoption committee for final approval. This is a new step for the DRC so I am told.
We will apply for a visa to bring our little guy to the US.
We will travel and stay in country 1 - 2 weeks.
WE COME HOME!
According to the time frame given by our agency, this will all be finished by early 2013.
I am praying it will be done in 2012.
There are some emotional/selfish reasons for this:
I just want the waiting and wondering to be over.
I don't want our little guy to turn three in an orphanage.
I want to have him home to celebrate the birth of Jesus.
I want Moses to finally meet the brother he has been praying for for as long as he has been able to talk. Literally.
There are some practical/selfish reasons for this as well:
The adoption tax credit.
The adoption tax credit.
The adoption tax credit.
Oh, and our CIS approval expires in February. And that means Wallace home study update #5!!!
Will you join us in praying? Let's storm the gates for this orphan.
This post about a four year old girl being UNinvited from a birthday party because she is HIV+ was all over the adoption blog world last week.
I'm still processing it for a few reasons:
First, our kindredspiritfriends the Henderson's left on Thursday for Ethiopia. They are traveling to meet their four year old son who is HIV+. We love them and can't wait to meet this little boy. (Even if they are lapping us with adoption #2 while we're slowly making progress on #1:-)
Second, visiting the Kosair ER last Sunday made me sick to my stomach. (If we aren't FB friends the lowdown is this: Meadow fell, she is ok, vaccinate your kids for tetanus.) Do our kids really need slushies and big screen TV's while they wait to see one of the hundreds of thousands of doctors in this country? Is sitting in a room without a television and some sugar for longer than 15 minutes considered torture?
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), there is one doctor to every 417 people in the US.
In Ethiopia there is one doctor to every 35,000 people.
In 2010, there were ZERO documented deaths due to HIV/AIDS in the US. The most recent data states that approximately 67,000 Ethiopians died from HIV/AIDS in 2007.
These statistics are the same or worse in most the rest of Africa.
Our kids are sucking down red #7 and watching Yo Gaba Gaba while over 25,000 children around the world WILL DIE TODAY from hunger and illnesses that are preventable and treatable.
I digress.
Thirdly, Jesus.
I've been thinking about where Jesus would be if He were here now. Would He be with the healthy and the rich and the insured and the spoiled? (Of which I am admittedly a gold star member.) Or would He be with the sick and the poor and the marginalized and the suffering?
Jesus' "lifestyle" was pretty clear. He was homeless. He had no belongings. He hung out with prostitutes and lepers. He was a humble carpenter. He befriended friendless tax collectors.
And he healed.
The sick, the lame, the blind, the paralyzed, the leper, the spiritually dead.
He healed them ALL.
I don't know the family who issued the UNinvitation and I am trying hard not to judge them. I don't even know the family who received the UNinvitation but their message is clear: EDUCATE.
Educate because these children deserve it. Educate because these children need Jesus. Educate because those UNinviting them from birthday parties need Jesus. Educate because we need Jesus just as much as they do.
Share with anyone who will listen, and even those who won't, the facts about HIV/AIDS. Share this video - it's a great place to start.
And share the reason why we should care about these children.
So instead of wasting time on Pinterest I thought I'd answer a question we've been getting a LOT lately: What's going on with the Congo?
Well, right now, a whole. lot. of. nothing.
We lost our referral for G on February 10th; almost three months ago. At the time, we were told the wait for referrals was one - three months.
The one month mark came and went. I was ok with the waiting. Since we got our referral for G after only three days, I felt it was fair to wait the actual estimated amount of time.
We also knew that the international director from our agency would be making a trip late March/early April to meet the attorney in country, establish some communication expectations, visit the orphanages, etc. We were anxiously awaiting the DRC program update scheduled for mid-April.
Turns out the update wasn't much of an update. Something good did come of it - from now on they will not be referring kids until they have an issued abandonment decree. Genius! This will prevent so many families from loosing referrals - the investigation into their orphan status will happen before a family falls in love with their picture.
This new policy, which we are truly happy for, means that the wait time for referrals has been extended to six months. That means we are still three or so months away. This is frustrating. There will not be an African in the Wallace house in 2012.
HOWEVER, the Lord is teaching us to trust in Him in ways I seriously never imagined. Many things about this journey, that up until now made NO sense at all, are slowly coming into focus. I'm hoping that soon I will be able to share some of them here.
I've been learning some wonderful lessons about what family really is, taking care of those He puts in front of us and shaping our childrens souls as we steward them towards Him. Lessons I hope to never forget and to spread far and wide.
Thanks to all of you who have asked, prayed, supported, shared, encouraged and loved us well. God has BIG plans for our little family and I am so humbled and excited to be along for the ride.
